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Anger is an emotion everybody is familiar with. Even saints would’ve felt angry when things didn’t go as they expected or wished, and even the luckiest person on earth has been at the receiving end of somebody else’s anger.
It is a natural response that prepares you to overcome difficult situations by putting your body into its ‘fight or flight’ mode. Stress hormones flood your body, blood flow is increased to your muscles and away from your gut, your mind becomes more focused, and your body gets into a high energy phase with rapid breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure. With all this going on inside you it is important not to loose yourself to it.
What makes us angry? - is it always a bad thing?
There are moments in everyone’s lives when they really ‘lose it’ because of something big or a build up of smaller annoying things over time. In many cases your anger at Mr X may come out at Mr Y, who just happened to be in your way at the wrong time. The tiniest thing can flip the switch - your morning coffee not being hot enough, your blow dried hair being rained upon right before a party, your date not showing up while you wait at a restaurant, or just being tired.
Anger is usually a sign that something isn’t as it should be. It could be the situation you are in or the people you are interacting with. People participating in a peaceful protest against a government policy are also angry. The problem could also lie with you - maybe you loose your temper too quickly, are unable to adjust to changed circumstances, feel entitled to lose your cool, or you have a disorder a professional can help you overcome.
5 things you can do to control your reaction when angry
What matters is how you react to anger.
Some of us can explode with anger, yelling and doing things we normally wouldn’t say or do. Some get overwhelmed by the emotion and burst into tears. And there are some who don’t let it out at all. You know people who are often sarcastic, cynical and possibly even vengeful? That’s often the last kind, the passive-aggressors.
A question you may have is - if anger is a healthy emotion what is a healthy way to let it out?
Take deep breaths and walk away to think it over
In the heat of the moment most people can’t think through the situation to say what needs to be said without causing damage. Often it is really hard to calm down and say something that you won’t regret and no matter what people say it is even harder to crack a joke to drown the heat of the situation. If you can do either of these, you are gifted.
So, we suggest when you start to feel the rage rising in you;
Step 1: Breath deeply.
Shift your mind a little to the air entering and exiting your body. This will help lower the ‘fight or flight’ mode your body is in so that you can act more rationally.
Step 2: Excuse yourself and walk out
Say something like, “I am feeling angry and will walk away now to calm down so that I don’t say something I’ll regret.”
This statement will not only make you look mature, it’ll buy you time to gather your thoughts while communicating your displeasure.
OR
If it is your boss or an elder who has annoyed you whom you can’t afford to express your anger towards you can consider saying something like, “I am feeling overwhelmed and would like to be excused for sometime to gather my thoughts.”
Step 3: Once you are by yourself let out excess steam.
Drink a glass of water, or
Go for a walk while listening to music you enjoy,
Write your feelings down on a paper or a mood journal
Punch in the air and roar! (preferably, if you are out of everyone’s earshot)
Draw your anger with colourful pens,
Breath slowly and deeply,
Meditate, or
Get out for a change of scene. Go watch a light movie, play a sport or meet friends at a cafe.
Imagine the person who enraged you is something completely silly like a big fat toad with a stupid grin.
Step 4: Think of what you should say or do to improve things for good
While you are still indignant but not overwhelmed with anger, think about what annoyed you, why it happened, is it your fault in any way, what can you do to make it better for yourself, and what should you do to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
It is possible you have indeed been wronged and if you don’t do anything about it, matters will only get worse for you. Think through the conversation that will get you the ideal outcome. Go back and
Communicate your displeasure in an assertive but respectful way that will send your message across. It is important to do it in a manner that doesn’t demean the other person so that she/he is open to what you are saying.
Stick to the use of the word ‘I’ and steer clear of ‘you’. This will help you own part of the problem and not take the dialogue down the road of blaming and name calling.
You might find that part of the problem lies with you, maybe you tend to get angrier than the situation calls for. To avoid possible outbursts you can simply avoid those situations. For example, if your glassware breaking angers you then you can place it all out of reach of your kids or pack it all up for later. In case something does break and the little ones come and tell you just say “Please don’t tell me what it was. Just throw it in the dustbin and be careful next time.” If you see what broke you’ll probably be very angry.
Practice the Lion's Breath exercise
This yoga aasan may feel silly but it is effective! It not only helps you get the feeling of letting your anger out like a lion but it also relaxes your facial muscles, energises and calms down your body and mind.
When you feel filled with anger find a quiet place where you can be alone. To make it more impactful you can try looking at the tip of your nose while you do it. Repeat the exercise 4-6 times, and you will feel better.
That said, trust your feelings. If you are angry often at the same person or situation something is amiss and needs to change. You need to figure it out and change things for the better. This may even mean having to make big life changing steps like filing for divorce, moving cities or your job.
Forgive
Things won’t always go your way and people you interact with will not always do as you expect them to. It is good for your health, your long term happiness as well as your relationships to let go of things. Don’t hold grudges, it’ll harm you first just like repressed anger.
Seek help
If you feel that you are getting too angry too often, seek professional help before something bad happens.
The bottom line is that anger is a perfectly normal and healthy response. When you feel anger coursing through you acknowledge it and deal with it wisely. Don’t feel ashamed and definitely don’t revel in it.
* * This article has been verified by a certified psychologist.
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